The beta news is not good. The numbers only doubled to 421 as of this morning. That's a doubling time of over 7 days. Not good at all. At this point, they should still be doubling every two to three days and mine obviously aren't. There's no delicate way of saying it, but I'm going to lose the babies. With numbers this low and not even close to doubling, there isn't much hope that this pregnancy can be saved. The next step is for the RE is figure out if this is an ectopic pregnancy or a blighted ovum. God, I hate both of those terms. They're so damn final. I'm worried it's an ectopic because of the shoulder pains I've been having on and off. If it is, then it's a bad situation made worse; if the baby has grown too big, they may have to take my tubes in order to prevent them from rupturing. Which would put me in the IVF boat pretty much forever.
I've spent the night crying and just generally feeling awful about my life. I can't believe this is how this is going to end. I guess I knew in my heart there was something not quite right about all of this. I was trying so hard to be hopeful and concentrate on being happy that I was pregnant again, but there was a small voice that kept making me hold back and apparently this is what it was.
R is trying to look at the bright side, which is his nature. He keeps saying that we were the closest we've ever been before but that's no consolation to me right now. He's trying, but it hurts to think of what we could have had if only my body was not completely screwed up.
The hardest part is thinking that as of right now, I'm still pregnant. And that the doctors have to find a way for my babies to leave my body. I am just falling to pieces. I thought that my heart couldn't break any more than it has with IVF and here I am, falling into a million pieces.
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3 comments:
Oh, H, I am so sorry. I am in tears for you. I am just so sorry.
Is there really no chance at all now? Could your numbers just be really slow to rise?
And I really can't believe that they are waiting until Friday to see you. If it's ectopic, wouldn't they want to see you now?
I just hate this for you. You and the babies are in my prayers. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle here.
Unfortunately, there's isn't any hope at all. The numbers are way too low for being 28DPO, even for a single pregnancy. The average number right now is about 9,000; because mine were so low to start with, they would have been happy with a minimum of 1000. I got to only 421.
I haven't told them about the shoulder pains yet, but they've moved the appointment to Wednesday as long as we can get to their other office. There's not much they'll be able to see on an ultrasound right now because the numbers are so low. A heartbeat doesn't start until around 2000, so I'm not sure what they'll want to do.
Oh, H! I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, and I hate that. I'm here for you -- any time you want to talk, cry or scream. I'm here.
Please be careful if that shoulder pain starts getting bad. I'll be thinking of you for tomorrow.
I am so sorry for your loss.
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