Is that Pine-Sol I smell?

A good weekend can brighten your week. I just have that nice calm before the storm feeling. I was super-industrious-Girl and got lots of housework done and now I feel much better about my surroundings. I was getting tired of walking in the house and being knee-deep in hairballs and toy trucks. Plus, my summer schedule starts at work this week too. I now am officially in the flex-time world and my schedule will alternate with four day weeks and four and ½ day weeks. So, I will either have Friday’s off or work only half a day. Ahhh… I feel more relaxed already. Doesn't it figure that classes start tomorrow??? Why, oh why does our time off seem so much shorter than the time we work?

As for the baby-making journey, not much happening. The torture device that I call a Fertility Monitor asked me for my first stick this morning and so the race begins. I really just miss those ‘Have sex and hope for the best’ days. And, what the hell, since I’m on the subject of sex… We’ve been reduced to doing nothing but baby-making sex. I cannot remember the last time we really just had sex for fun. The worst part is that this isn’t something new; it’s been on the steady decline since I was about eight months pregnant with E. It was almost as if there was something tangible between the two of us that just broke, creating this huge lack-of-sex hole that we fell into. I’m not even sure how or why it happened, but it’s such a one-sided problem. There are so many, many nights when I have to ask if he’s in the mood or actually have to make the first move. I've even had to give him the biggest guilt trip just to get things moving. The constant rebuff and lack of affection have a terrible way of eroding my self-esteem to nothing. I find myself wondering if I’m still even the least bit attractive in his eyes. I even find myself wondering if other people find me attractive at all. I hate that feeling, that constant searching for approval. I just want some sort of sign, some overture that would confirm that he’s still in there somewhere. I don’t want the gifts, I don’t care about the material objects he thinks I want or need. I would just like to feel adored again.

Quote for the day:

Temptation comes not from hell
but from above.
-- The Afghan Whigs