Inmates at Git'mo didn't suffer this much torture.

Thank you for the positive thoughts. It’s nice to have people out there pulling for me, despite the monthly failure rate!

IUI #4 has been completed, so thus begins yet another torturous two week wait.

I gave myself my trigger shot on Wednesday night and was so, so tired on Thursday. I think it was probably a side effect, but who knows. I was amazed that I had virtually no side effects from the Femara this month; not even my usual migraine. I left work around 10:00am and headed over to the doctor’s office to pick up R’s boys. The counts this time were through the roof. Holy cow, it’s amazing how much it varies from month to month! Last month, pre-wash, they were in the 60 million range and 48 million post wash. This month, the stats were as follows: Vol. 0.50, Count 292 mil/ml, Motility 50.0, FP (which I believe means forward progression) 2.5, Total Motility per million, 73 and clumping 0. So, the numbers are high again this month. The total motility is the number that they want to see above 10 million and R’s was 73 million this month, 48 million last month and 14 million the month before that. I didn’t ask what they were the first month, but I seem to remember them in the 30’s. Still, high numbers or not, nothing’s been working so although I can’t rely on numbers, it’s good to see them higher rather than lower. It also makes me feel like I’m the ‘defective’ one. If his counts are so good, what the hell is the problem here?

My interview for the Children’s Librarian position is tomorrow at 3:15pm. I have such mixed emotions about this job search. I’m so torn about what to do. Part of me wants to stay at my current position; it’s easy work, I know I work well with the staff, the benefits are great (especially in light of how much infertility treatment costs out-of-pocket), it would show progressive movement within one library. All the usual ‘good’ reasons you would stay at any job. The Children’s Librarian position is something completely new and different. It’s at an ‘urban’ library, it’s loud and crazy in there, it’s messy and completely disorganized, I’d have no desk, no private space. But it’s in a public library, which is where I think I want to eventually go. Still, R’s been talking about moving again and I’m so afraid he’ll want to move before we get pregnant and then we’ll be screwed trying to get pregnant without infertility coverage. No pun intended. Despite all this, I’m going to do the interview and see where the chips fall. It’s all I can do at this point. I’m still holding out for that Program Coordinator position. If they offered me that job, and if I knew what the benefits were ahead of time, I think that would be the perfect solution. But, as we know, nothing is perfect. Especially around me.

E is officially knee-deep in potty training these days. I feel like I’m at his little bladder’s beck and call. If he says “Potty time”, I have to jump while the jumping’s good. It’s crazy, but I have to keep reminding myself this is his path in life to becoming a productive toilet-using member of society. He can do it, I just have to help out in any way I can. Imagining a world without diapers, pull-ups or the constant fear of ‘Is there a bathroom nearby’ keeps me sane these days.