The race is on!

So. Tomorrow is the big day. My first IUI. I'm nervous about how this is going to play out. The fertility monitor was giving me low, low, low readings for days and then suddenly I get a Peak reading this morning. No 'high' in-between there, just low to peak. Strange. The stranger part is that I took an OPK on Saturday night, just to check and see how things were moving along and it wasn't positive. It was getting there, but definitely not a positive. And then WHAM... peak reading on Sunday morning. So, I called the clinic and they set up all the necessary appointments for tomorrow morning. R's dropping his boys off at 9:00am and I go in for the 'procedure' at 9:45am. Since when did getting pregnant become a 'procedure'???

I'm nervous. I'm afraid it won't work. I have a hard time picturing myself getting pregnant ever again. We've been trying for so long that I've just lost all faith in my body and myself, for that matter. I'm trying to remain calm about it all; I'm trying to keep my spirits up but it's not easy. I want this to work. I don't want to have to do this again.

I feel like I'm coming down with a cold too.

Why am I having such a hard time picturing myself pregnant again? I keep worrying that this mental block is part of why it's not working. Then again, if that was true, every woman who just wished she was pregnant would probably get pregnant. I mean, I know I'm smart and that my mind is a powerful thing, but that would just be ridiculous to think that my mental state would affect my fertility that much. Right?

This is me, being optimistic.

Quote for the day:

Could God really be so cruel
to give us feelings
that can never be fulfilled?
-- The The