Sunday, July 15, 2007

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.

After days and days of muggy, hot weather, we finally got a bit of rain tonight. Now, I'm not complaining about the hot weather, but man, we needed some real rain. I forgot to water the tomatoes this afternoon, so hopefully they'll be happy with this little storm. I'm glad that it waited until tonight to let loose though. E had such a blast playing in the back yard today with a pot of water, some rocks and two old frisbees. It's amazing what will occupy a three-year-old. Watching him out there made me realize how torn I am about having another baby. Now don't start thinking that I'm going back on my TTC plans, but it's just that I've gotten so used to having him be semi-self-sufficient that it's going to be hard getting used to having a tiny baby around the house again. I'm sure that I'll adjust, but I'm starting to like our little life here. It's not that I don't want another baby. That's not it at all. I'm just scared about how it will change things, again. E was such an adjustment for me that I worry about how it's going to affect him AND me at the same time. Still, I'm no where near ready to use that fear to give up on having another baby. No way, no how.

I took E to church this morning and there was a HUGE pregnant woman sitting across the aisle. Why do they always have to be big and huge, about to pop when I see them? Why can't I see a woman who's only a little pregnant? Dad's girlfriend says that I'm just looking for them and that's why I notice it so much more. HA! I don't want to SEE these women. I don't want to see anyone around me huge and pregnant like that. It took all my self control to not burst into tears at the sight of her. It's still such a sore subject for me. It's like pouring vinegar into a wound. Not my idea of a good mental, happy time.

Speaking of headaches, the migraine is finally gone. I had to break the rules and take Advil this morning to get rid of the pain, but there was no way I could deal with that headache all day. Advil doesn't work nearly as well as my rescue meds, but I'm too freaked about mixing meds right now. So Advil it was. Now that I'm off the Femara (last night was the last of the pills), I'm going to start the Robitussin. Just in the hopes that it might do something, anything to help. I'm desperate at this point. I also made my rooibos iced tea to take with my lunch this week. I figure between the Robitussin and the antioxidant tea, my body should be happy and ready for the IUI next weekend.

I forgot to mention that when I got home from the comp yesterday, R had done two loads of laundry. And folded them. And fed E lunch. Holy God. I thought I was in an alternate universe.

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