So, here I am, one day after getting our not-so-good-news. I'm still so depressed about all of this. R and I were able to get the appointment moved to tomorrow at 1:30pm which is probably for the best. I found out from the RE's scheduler that they will do an ultrasound tomorrow to see what is going on, but at this point I know that they won't find the babies there anymore. I'm still having the on and off pain in my shoulder that I've been having for a few weeks. That makes me even less hopeful, but there's nothing I can do about it at this point. I just pray it isn't an ectopic pregnancy. I pray that they can keep my body intact so that I might have some chance of ever getting pregnant again, even after this mess.
I find it hard to function. My eyes are so swollen that they hurt. And in the midst of all this, I have to find a way to stop thinking about the pregnancy symptoms I'm still having. My boobs are still sore, my belly is still bloated, I'm still pregnant. I never thought that word would cause me so much pain. It's painful to think that my babies are still in there, but just not growing normally. It kills me to think that they will never be 'real' children. I'll never get to hold them or see them. They were my children for two weeks. And soon they'll be gone.
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Oh, H, my heart is hurting for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it is so incredibly hard and the pain is too much. It's not fair! I hate this for you! I'm so sorry for you and your two little angel babies.
You are in my prayers that it isn't ectopic. I hope the u/s shows what's going on.
I'm here for you if you need anything, anything at all.
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