Cancelled and holding.

After giving it the ‘old college try’ (as one nurse put it), my RE cancelled this FET cycle. Talk about a blow to my psyche. It’s awful to be on the receiving end of a cancelled cycle. Actually, awful isn’t even a strong enough word. Ugh. I’m just SO tired of all of this IVF stuff. I’m trying every day to just hang in there a little longer. As though it will get better. I wish with all my heart that I just KNEW it was going to work and we’d end up with a baby. It would make all of this torture worth it, if I just knew the outcome would be worth it. Why does everyone else seem so damned sure that it’s going to work for us? What do they see that I DON’T?

The RE was so puzzled as to what was happening that he wanted to see me face-to-face rather than breaking the news about cancelling the cycle to me over the phone. It’s admirable, but I’m sick of going to that office just to get more bad news. We’ve decided to try an endometrial biopsy to see if we can figure out what my lining looks like up close, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s not going to be good news. I’ve looked and looked (online) about how to treat a lining that ‘fails’ an endometrial biopsy but there’s very little information out there. I asked the RE what he would do to treat it if it’s out-of-phase (which is a failed test result) and he said something about injectibles and FSH. That confuses me because they usually use FSH to stimulate your ovaries. I’ve taken it in the past for my two (FAILED) IVF cycles, and it didn’t do jack for my lining. Sure, it makes me produce more eggs than a chicken, but it doesn’t fix my lining issues.

In the meantime, R and I have decided to go forward with one more attempt with this RE. We have an appointment with another RE for a second opinion on April 28; I got the intake forms last night from the new office and I was completely intimidated by the packet. There’s so much information that they ask for; it’s hard because my doctor already knows all of this information. Is it really going to benefit me to go over all this again with a new doctor? It’s such a hard decision.

My current RE and I discussed what we should do with the next cycle. I remembered that my lining got to 7.4mm in September when I was using the Femara, but looking back over my chart, the RE discovered that was also the only time my lining didn’t achieve the triple stripe appearance it needs to be viable for a transfer. So it appears as if I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Still, he agreed that we could try to mimic that cycle and see if I respond the same way. We just have to make sure that I don’t ovulate prematurely.

Just another day in IVF paradise.