How many times can you get to the edge of giving up?

The ultrasound this morning went terribly. My lining was only up to 3mm. I can't remember a single cycle where it was that thin 14 days after my period. I have no idea what the hell is happening to my body anymore, but I'm just not responding to the oral Estrace right now. They would expect to see my lining around 7.5mm or so right now and I'm not even half of that. Not even half. I feel so hopeless and lost. I'm starting to lose faith that this is ever going to work for us. It seems like every time I get the faintest sense of hope and healing, it comes crashing down. My body is just betraying me at every turn.

For the first time ever I really felt like I should simply give up. I don't want to but I don't see a way out of this hell any longer. We've been at this for two years now. And the only thing we've gotten is heartache and bad news. I've let my family down, I've let myself down. I feel like I only have myself to blame at this point. It's my body that's causing all this pain and suffering.

It amazes me every day how fertility-centric this world is. Leaving my house has become an obstacle course of fertility avoidance. The supermarket is the worst minefield imaginable. Today at the checkout line a woman was telling the very young cashier that she would 'regret not having a second child' someday. The cashier said 'Everytime I see a little baby come in here I think I want another one, but I know that's just crazy!" and laughs. I wanted to burst into tears. I wish I knew that my body would work one day and that I would have the option to have another one. But it's looking more and more like that's never going to be.

Why is this so impossibly hard? Why do I have to feel this way every day of my life? Why can't this just go my way for once? I just want a baby. Why is that too much to ask?