FET to be.

I'm finally starting to feel like I'm on the road to healing. It's been a terrible road. Worse than I could have imagined, but I'm starting to feel better about life. It probably helps that I finally got my period and have started my medications again in preparation for the FET. My first ultrasound for this cycle is on March 22 and if all goes well, I could be having the transfer as early as next week. Holy cow. It’s been a long time coming, man.

E is having surgery on Thursday morning. He’s getting his tonsils and adenoids out and tubes put in. I’m so very nervous for him, but I know in my heart it’s what is best for him. He’s been unhealthy for so long and I feel like this could give him a jump start to a healthier life. The fevers have been going on for so long, it makes me worry about what may happen to him later in life. What if all these fevers affect his fertility some day? My heart would break for him if he and his future partner ever have to go through what we’ve gone through to bring him a sibling. It shouldn’t be this hard for a child to be born. It just shouldn’t.

He’s been such an amazing little man the past few weeks. I feel like he’s coming into his own personality and once in a while I’ll just sit and watch him. I wonder how he’s going to take to being a big brother when the time comes. I wonder if I screwed it all up by waiting so long between children. I wonder a lot of things.

I’ve been trying so hard to keep a sunny disposition about all of this. I know it’s going to work again. I have to believe that in my heart because if I don’t, the days seem endless and all hope leaves me. Life will get better. I just have to keep moving, keep reaching for that goal. This baby wants to be born.